When the Mean Girl Isn’t Obvious

A Heart Check for Women of Faith and Leadership

Let’s talk about something uncomfortable.

When we hear the phrase mean girl, most of us picture someone loud or openly unkind. The one who gossips without hesitation. The one who rolls her eyes in public. The one whose behavior makes it easy to say, that’s not me.

But the truth is, the mean girl isn’t always obvious.

Sometimes she’s polished.

Sometimes she’s praised.

Sometimes she’s admired, respected, and sitting right next to us in leadership.

Sometimes it’s a heart God is still refining.

Being a mean girl isn’t always about cruelty. More often, it shows up as unhealed insecurity, unchecked pride, or competition disguised as confidence. These behaviors can hide behind professionalism, spiritual language, or the belief that we are simply being honest.

And faith does not exempt us from self reflection.

If anything, faith requires it.

Scripture reminds us, “Search me, O God, and know my heart.” Psalm 139:23

That prayer is not comfortable, but it is freeing.

Why Christian Women Must Practice Self Reflection

Women of faith are called to live differently. Our leadership, friendships, and influence should reflect humility, kindness, and growth. Self reflection is not weakness. It is spiritual maturity.

When we allow God to search our hearts, we create space for healing, accountability, and transformation. This is how we grow into women who lead well and love well.

Five Signs of Mean Girl Behavior in Women of Faith

These signs are not shared to shame anyone. They are shared to bring awareness, freedom, and alignment.

1. Silent Celebration and Selective Support

You notice the win but rarely acknowledge it publicly. You like the post but withhold encouragement. Encouragement withheld can still wound, even when it is quiet.

2. Comparison Instead of Covering

Instead of praying for her, you measure yourself against her. Comparison creates competition and turns sisters into rivals.

3. Public Correction Without Private Connection

Correcting someone publicly without first seeking connection privately is not leadership. True leadership restores and protects dignity.

4. Labeling Confident Women as Too Much

When women are called too much or not your vibe, it is often because they are confident, visible, or free. Another woman’s boldness should not threaten your peace.

5. Protecting Position Over Posture

When another woman’s success feels threatening instead of inspiring, it is time to check the heart. God cares more about character than control.

God’s Call to Unity, Not Competition

Here is a truth we do not say often enough.

God did not call women to compete. He called us to cover one another, champion one another, and sharpen one another.

Mean girl behavior does not align with kingdom work. There is room for every woman God has called. There is grace for growth. There is more than enough visibility to go around.

Choosing Healing Over Hurt

Instead of asking, who hurt me, let us ask a better question.

Who can I heal by choosing humility, kindness, and courage?

Healed women do not tear down rooms.

They transform them. Let’s be those women.

Dr. LaToyia Jordan

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